episode 179: John Hughes meets F3

8 dudes showed up despite the humidity and me q’ing
DISCLAIMER
PRAYER
COP
Ssh

imperial walkers

etch

ttt

Abe vigoda

sticky butt kickers

THE THANG

It was one of those sticky suburban mornings where everything felt a little off — like your gym teacher forgot it was picture day and made you do wind sprints in cargo shorts.

Eight PAX showed up. Four grown men. Four 2.0s. All bonded by one shared truth: no one actually enjoys ab work.

🎬 

Act I: Swing Sets & Soul-Crushing Crunches

We opened with 10 underdogs at the swing set — because nothing says “warm-up” like suspending your body midair while your spine debates retirement.

Then it was off to the light poles, each one a little closer to the core apocalypse:

• Pole 1: 10 V-ups
• Pole 2: +20 Reverse Crunches
• Pole 3: +30 Flutter Kicks
• Pole 4: +40 Heels to Heaven (that’s right, kids — straight legs, point to the sky, try not to fart)

Bolt asked, “Are we ever going to do any real exercises?”

Copy Machine replied, “You’ll understand when you’re older. And your lower back hates you.”

🎬 

Act II: Block Party of Pain

Cue scene change. Enter the cinder blocks — known in some cultures as “the coupon nobody wanted.”

Each light pole was now preceded by 10 cinder block swings — because life is about choices, and we made the wrong one.

• Pole 1: 10 Box Cutters
• Pole 2: +20 Spoon Crunches
• Pole 3: +30 Flutter Kicks (again, because repetition is character-building)
• Pole 4: +40 Freddy Mercurys (because nothing says “fitness” like bicycle abs and Queen references)

Jake asked if Spoon Crunches were made up. Jester said yes. Futon said no. Zippo said, “Shut up and keep swinging.”

🎬 

Act III: Hill of Broken Dreams (a.k.a. Dora Lite)

At the bottom of the hill, we partnered up for Dora. It was supposed to be:

• 100 Overhead Press (with the block)
• 200 Block Swings (again, we hate joy)
• 300 Squats (spoiler: this was never going to happen)

We ran out of time and ambition somewhere around rep 185.

Steve: “Do we still count this as 1,000 reps?”

Jester: “Only emotionally.”

🎬 

Closing Scene: Mary by Misery

Back to the flag for:

• Boat & Canoe (starring Tom Hanks and Tom Sore Abs)
• LBCs (because we still pretend those matter)
• Dying Cockroaches (the only move that felt honest by that point)

🎞️ 

Final Freeze Frame:

• Chicken Jockey looked ready for school picture day.
• Steve kept asking questions no one had answers for.
• Zippo tried to lie down but the humidity wouldn’t let him back up.
• And somewhere, as the sun broke through the haze, a slow synth song played… and someone — probably Bolt — held his cinder block overhead like Say Anything.

MARY
See listed above
CIRCLE OF TRUST
PRAYER

bobber
MOLESKIN

• “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
• “The question isn’t ‘what are we going to do,’ the question is ‘what aren’t we going to do?’”
• “You’re not dying, you just can’t think of anything good to do.”

ANNOUNCEMENTS
F3 dads this coming next Saturday