This morning, at precisely 0530 hours, eight sturdy sons of freedom reported for duty under thick clouds of sweat and determination. Jester, Jake, Woz, Bartman, Bilbo, Gutterball, Spam, and Etch A Sketch stood tall and ready—undaunted by the humidity and unaware of the historical pain soon to be reenacted!
DISCLAIMER
PRAYER
COP
Ssh
etch
imperial walkers
mtn man poopers
sticky butt kickers
willy mays hays (the way that would have made pbs unhappy, heck we already did an ode to him we don’t want him cocky)
lbac
seal claps
THE THANG
🎖️OPERATION ROMANOV
First, the PAX marched midway up the hill—where they learned that on this day in 1918, Tsar Nicholas II (not Phillip, but who’s counting under duress?) met his grim end, marking the fall of a dynasty. So, in classic F3 fashion, our loyal men celebrated the collapse of monarchial excess with 100 LBCs, because revolution starts from the core.
From there, they lunged into history—80 lunges near the dugout (each rep a nail in the Romanov coffin), before pressing on to the gates of the Pain Cave for 60 merkins of democratic justice. The revolt continued behind the school with 40 squats, then concluded at the barren field where the flag should have been with a revolutionary 20 burpees. Huzzah!
🎠OPERATION DISNEY DISASTER
The year was 1955—Disneyland opened, but the dream was… soggy. Rides broke. Tickets were forged. But today, the PAX took the wheel.
With 20 curls, they hoisted their coupons like carnival prizes. Then, they marched to the crosswalk for 10 OHP, lifting higher than Dumbo ever did. Across the lot they trudged for 10 Freakin’ 20s (so named for the suffering, not the math). Then, onward again for 5 weighted squats, proving that even when Mickey fails, the mission marches on. Victory lap: perimeter jog, because every theme park needs a monorail.
🍻OPERATION LEGAL LIMIT
To the swings, men! For it was 1984 when America decided that if you’re not 21, you can’t legally toast to liberty. In commemoration (and mild dehydration), the men hoisted their spirits with 21 underdogs and 84 Freddy Mercurys—fighting off communism and cramps, one hip thrust at a time.
📯EPILOGUE
As the sweat settled and coupons clanged back into trunks, these 8 brave men stood taller (and wobblier), bound not just by history—but by HIMtory. This was not a morning of comfort, comrades—it was a morning of valor.
MARY
No time. As unprofessional as I am. We timed it rather perfectly
CIRCLE OF TRUST
PRAYER
MOLESKIN
- History is written by the victors.” — Winston Churchill (or maybe Napoleon, depending on who you ask… ironically proving the point)
ANNOUNCEMENTS
F3 dads THIS Saturday at 0700 not Next Saturday
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