Episode 184: Pulp F3

11 pax. Late August. Week 1 of football.  And zeds dead baby. Zeds dead
DISCLAIMER
PRAYER
COP
Ssh

etch

imperial walkers

hillbilly walkers

willy mays hays (the proper way)

mtn man pooper

sticky butt kickers

lbac

seal claps
THE THANG

Scene 5: Mary at the End (But Also the Beginning)

It’s still dark, everybody’s sweating, and the Q calls for Freddy Mercurys, Heels to Heaven, and Plank. Nobody cheers. Nobody moves fast. The righteous man is weary, and the path of his abs is beset by the tyranny of time running out.

Freeze frame.

Title card: “Earlier That Morning…”

Scene 1: The Parking Lot Incident

Zero Chill pulls in. Right into the Q’s spot. No hesitation. No apology. He steps out like nothing happened. The Q just stares at him like Jules staring at Brett in the diner. The soundtrack? Something that doesn’t quite fit — probably Son of a Preacher Man.

Scene 3: The Burpee Monologue

Flash to the workout — round one.

The Q lays it out:

• 10 burpees
• 20 merkins
• 30 sit-ups
• 40 squats
• 50 mountain climbers
• 40 lunges
• 30 side-straddle hops
• 20 plank jacks
• 10 Carolina dry docks

Then a run to the midpoint of the hill.

Everyone nods like this is normal. Like Vincent Vega ordering a $5 milkshake.

Scene 2: The Woz Explosion

Quick cut. Woz is glaring. Another song gets cut short. He’s had it. He’s waving his arms, lecturing the Q like Jules explaining what they call a Quarter Pounder in France. Nobody understands why it matters, but the passion is undeniable.

Scene 4: Round Two (Out of Order)

The PAX are already half-dead, but they start again:

• 10 burpees
• 20 merkins
• 30 sit-ups
• 40 squats
• 50 mountain climbers
• 40 lunges
• 30 side-straddle hops
• 20 plank jacks
• 10 Carolina dry docks

Then the hill again. Because Tarantino loves repetition — except this isn’t dialogue. It’s pain.

Scene 6: Enter Dirt Track

Somewhere in the chaos, Dirt Track shows up. FNG. Nobody knows his backstory. Is he Butch the boxer, trying to fight his way free? Or Marvin, just trying to survive the ride? Doesn’t matter. By the end, he’s family.

Scene 7: Round Three (Because Why Not Out of Order Again)

Same script. Different scene. The PAX know what’s coming. They still do it:

• 10 burpees
• 20 merkins
• 30 sit-ups
• 40 squats
• 50 mountain climbers
• 40 lunges
• 30 side-straddle hops
• 20 plank jacks
• 10 Carolina dry docks

Run to the hill midpoint one more time. The camera pans wide. Samuel L. Jackson voiceover:

“And you will know my name is Q… when I lay my plank upon thee.”

Epilogue (Back Where We Started)

The PAX limp off set. Woz is still humming the song that never finished. Zero Chill is still in the Q’s parking spot. Dirt Track is still wondering what he just signed up for.

Fade out. Black screen.

White letters:

“Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.”

MARY
Insert information about any additional post-THANG work (if applicable).
CIRCLE OF TRUST
PRAYER
MOLESKIN

• “Say ‘what’ again! I dare you, I double dare you…” 
• “That’s thirty minutes away. I’ll be there in ten.” 

ANNOUNCEMENTS
F3 dads is next or umm err this Saturday at Arrowhead 0700