Conditions: A crisp 20°F (feeling like a balmy 16°F with that wind chill 🥶). Mostly clear with an occasional snowflake drifting down to remind us we were in a winter wonderland. Perfect conditions to channel our inner USA Men’s Hockey Team and metaphorically check Canada right into the boards. Sorry, eh? No maple syrup served here today, just pure American sweat. 🥞🚫
Warm-o-Rama 🏃♂️
To keep the joints from freezing solid before we hit the “ice,” we circled up for:
- Side Straddle Hops (SSH)
- Imperial Walkers
- Hillbilly Walkers
- Slow Low Squats (getting those legs ready for a hockey stance)
- Etch-a-Stretch
The Thang: The Winter Games 🥇
YHC (Your Humble Q) decided if we can’t be in the Winter Olympics, we’d bring the Winter Olympics to the gloom. Here is how we conquered the mountain:
1. Olympic Ski Mountaineering ⛷️
- The Actual Rules: Debuting at the 2026 Winter Games, athletes race through a snow-covered mountain course using specialized ski touring equipment, navigating grueling ascents, stairs, and rapid descents.
- My Take: Mosey to the Oval Hill. We lunged to the first light pole (skiing up the hill), then ran around the top to the bottom (skiing down). From there, 30 step-ups on the benches (running the steps) and a sprint to the mailbox.
- Repeat 3x.
2. Bobsled Monobob 🛷
- The Actual Rules: A solo bobsled event where a single athlete must sprint to push their heavy sled down an ice track, hop in, and steer through high-speed, gravity-defying turns.
- My Take: Everyone lined up at the starting line with hands on their coupon (block). We hit 10 mountain climbers, pushed the block across 4 parking spaces (the push), and then took off running to the crosswalk (the slide). Rest walk back, pick up the block, and start over.
- Repeat 5x.
3. Biathlon 🎿🔫
- The Actual Rules: A brutal combination of cross-country skiing and precision rifle shooting. Athletes must calm their racing heart rates to shoot 5 targets; missed shots mean running penalty loops.
- My Take: Back to the Oval Hill. We did the Bernie Sanders up to the top, dropped for 5 burpees (shooting our shots 🎯), ran down to the bottom, and hit 5 more burpees.
- Repeat 3x.
4. Moguls 🎿🏔️
- The Actual Rules: A freestyle skiing event where athletes navigate a steep, heavily moguled (bumpy) course, throwing in highly technical turns and massive aerial jumps.
- My Take: Everyone on the starting line. 5 squats, 2 jump squats (catching air!), 5 monkey humpers, 2 jump squats, followed by 5 tuck jumps or broad jumps. Walk back to the start to catch your breath.
- Repeat 3x.
Moleskin 🦅
As we were out there grinding in the 16-degree wind chill, pushing blocks, and breathing heavy, I couldn’t help but think about how lucky we are. We get to wake up in the pitch black, completely of our own free will, to better ourselves alongside our brothers. That is a privilege.
Being out here today, paying tribute to the Red, White, and Blue, is a great reminder of the pride of being an American. We live in the greatest country on earth, but that greatness wasn’t free. It was paid for by the men and women who fought, bled, and died for the very freedoms we enjoy every single day—including the freedom to act like fools in a freezing parking lot at dawn. Let’s never take that for granted, and let’s make sure we live lives worthy of their sacrifice. God bless you men, and God bless the USA. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
Announcements 🗣️
- Thursday: It’s the VERN. Don’t miss it. Be there or be Canadian.
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